The has already gone completely off the rails with some Dora the Explorer theme remixes.

It's time. Drop the motherfuckin' bass.

I think I neglected to keep the thread going last week, so to recap:

We got to Sharn and found our contact at Morgrave. One of the researchers was willing to investigate the Oracle for us, but he needed "a favour".

It turns our he's been stalking one of the students and had this creepy file on her favorite things and daily schedule. Despite his "research", he needed some help landing a date.

An encounter was set up at Morgrave's pub, and we tried our absolute damnest to start a barfight and get this guy murdered by the bouncer.

There were many shennanigans involving the sorc's child corpse-puppet, sending stones, and psionic insults of the bouncer's penis size.

Despite our best efforts, we ONLY made him run from the building in tears,

so we have more work to do in Promoting Academic Integrity.

I think I've upset the bouncer. I said he was like the metal guys building a community in Cyre.

He seemed interested, then I said we killed them all and he was a bit miffed lol

He eventually yeet'd the sorc out of the bar

now our paladin just picked up this massive warforged and tossed him out on his ass too

We're now attempting to forcibly recruit the bouncer into our party?

Now we're going to chat with the Sphinx in Morgrave.

Dora's landmarks to find the Sphinx are: COURTYARD, GATE, HALL.

The guard won't let us in to see the spinx 😠

We're instead discussing the bounty for The Jerker with the guard.

We're now loudly accusing the guard of being The Jerker, despite not being a tabaxi

People are staring as Dora screaming "JERKER NO JERKING"

(ps its named that because it makes its victims into jerky]

The Fluffy Buffalo Inn is the official hotel of Morgrave University

and it's an absolute shithole

not helped by Dora pitching her tent right on the common room

We keep harassing the guy who gave us the sending stone (the one we made cry)

because we really need to get on the guest list for visiting the Spinx

also the paperboy's corpse got so dank that the paladin burned a spell slot on Gentle Repose

now the sorc is jamming mashed up scrambled eggs into the corpse's mouth

We went to Benny's for moons over my hammy because the food at the Fluffy Buffalo was, um, ~suspect~

we made the scholar guy like us again by offering to bring him one

we gave him the sandwich and now he's crying because it reminds him of Jia

Sorc: there there, the sooner you realize that love doesn't exist, the better.

he did give us the other sending stone though (so we'd stop bothering him)

He wants us to go talk to Jia for him and then he'll get us an appointment with the Spinx

we met a "weezard" a little while ago who does illusions around the campus

I suggested we get him to disguise himself as Jia so we're not bothering the poor student with this creep's shit anymore

Ranger: Where can we find Jia?

Scholar: Oh! She lives {gives incredibly specific and detailed directions, including step counts}

Weezard is super into this job.

Weezard: Well, what should I tell 'em?

Ranger: Hug him, then whisper in his ear, "I would rather kill myself than spend one day with you"

Weezard: Jolly gee, that's great! Can I hand em a peanut butter and pickle sandwich too?

Ranger: Absolutely.

Weezard: This is a great plan! But what's in it for me?

Me: Gold circles. How many would be required?

Weezard: No, no money. I just want you to come to mah magic show!

We gave the weezard Jia's photo (which the scholar had handy lol), height, weight, and all the shit we remember from his creepy fact sheet.

In return, we're going down to Lower Dura at night to watch his magic show.

And try to help reunite the weezard with his estranged son so they can learn to ice fish together for the holidays.

The son is a minor so I 100% expect this is our Jerker encounter.

We're helping the weezard get ready for the Jia illusion by brushing his hair while this plays in the background

bush wizard impersonates school girl using illusion magic

to gently put down the creepy professor stalking her

the voice isn't quite right

and by "not quite right" i mean "matty matheson" instead of "schoolgirl"

but the scholar is deceived

DM: The weezard leans in. One hand is on Scholar's back, the other is in his pants.

DM: He leans in close.

Paladin: What does it smell like?

DM: It smells like week old stale beer.

DM: He nibbles on Scholar's ear.

Weezard: I'm pulling out a sandwich. I never want to eat this sandwich with you ever in my entire life.

Weezard: Now you take this sandwich, and you eat this in your apartment.

Weezard: You will forever be alone.

Deer in the headlights. Scholar drops the peanut butter and pickle sandwich on the floor as Weezard-disguised-as-Jia walks away.

uh I think the scholar just had a heart attack

Me: we could go look?

Ranger: nah give him a few minutes

DM: he twitches for a bit, and then nothing

Ranger: *sigh*


I'm no doctor but he isn't breathing so I think he might have died from shock

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Creepy scholar is dead. I steal a key off his belt and then peck out his eyes and eat them.

The rest of the party is robbing his house, since he died in the open doorway.

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